February 2012
Today is going to be hard.
This has been an emotionally draining week.
First I’m back with my ex boyfriend that was my biggest heart break and I never stopped loving. And then not even two days later I learn that my dad was killed in a motorcycle accident.
I think I’ve made the expression that my head is exploding over 500 times in the last three days.
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I asked to give a speech or a eulogy or whatever. and this is basically it.
If you know me you know that I’m not very good at public speaking but on this occasion I basically pleaded to say something in honor of my dad.
I have to admit that my dad and I had our differences. But he was still there if I ever needed him. He was a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug, and a very good listener. I mean, how...
I hate this. Feeling numb and stuff is really not my thing.
I hate talking to people too because every time someone says something I know that they are pitying me and I hate that feeling. I hate that I look like my dad because every time I look in the mirror I see bits and pieces of him.
I hate how people that haven’t talked to in years feel the need to comfort me by going to his...
I hate how death brings out the liars, the greedy and the pity.
I honestly have no clue what to do now.
My head hurts and I feel completely numb.
I miss him so much. I just want to sleep forever and when I wake up I’m back in the house I grew up in with my dad still there and everything perfect and him always being there to protect me from my crazy nightmares. I want my dad.
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I feel amazingly happy all over again.
Best night in awhile.
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Not getting my hopes up.
I refuse to get my hopes up.
I’ll be fine.
This is either really good or really bad. I’m telling myself that I can be excited for this but I’m also so scared because I do miss him and like him still and I based my last relationship on the one with me and him.
I want this but I have every right to be so scared and nervous. And slightly jealous. I don’t want to think of him with someone else and even liking anyone. I...
Pretty sure I can’t handle any more of this shit.
It feels like I’m losing my mind and that is one of my biggest fears. I hate mind games and disappointment.
I’m beginning to feel like Ophelia.
Anonymous asked: Plano, orange or yellow apartments I think. Your room is in the front with a window for a wall.
Anonymous asked: Hard to say, I love pizza though, but then again who doesn't? Nobody, that's who. So something uncliche would have to be like anything not fast food. Now quiz me, quiz me on yourself. I want to be tested.
Anonymous asked: Man, I had a mini heart attack because I thought I wasn't sure if i clicked anonymous. Anyway, I can answer just about any question you give me close. Yes, not sure how many. How was work?
Anonymous asked: Long enough to still know you. We use to be closer, if that helps, which I hope it doesn't. Aren't you at work?
